News From Here

They say no news is good news, so I should probably just keep quiet - eh? As is usual for us, things have gotten rather hairy here.

Last Friday Martin and I went to his appointment at University of Penn. He was being evaluated for post-traumatic stress disorder. Of course, he is considered to have PTSD and severe depression. We also found that he has a mild traumatic brain injury from the fall. I knew of all of those, but for some reason hearing my suspicions confirmed is always harder to take than I expect. It was the same when Ian was diagnosed with Asperger's. At any rate, they formed a plan of treatment for Marty which would involve weekly visits to Philadelphia and medication for the depression.

Marty isn't happy about that at all. I am on his side here, simply because I have no idea how we're suppsed to swing it. Rent at our new home is significantly higher than the old house and our income hasn't gone up at all. Marty is trying to find part-time work so that one part of his settlement (which is ongoing) will be disbursed at a weekly rate once he is working at least 20 hours. That would help immensely, but finding a job for a man who can't stand too much, can't sit too much and can't lift anything is proving to be very difficult.

I've been trying to step up my own workload, but I am capped at a specified amount in my contract. Leaving the kids here with Marty so I can work outside the home is a no-go as he isn't capable of taking care of them, and daycare would simply take up any money I would be able to make. Not to mention Marty is the one that needs to be working for the settlement to pay out.

Marty is so very discouraged about all of this, as am I, and wants to fire his attorney. I'm trying to talk him out of that as this is such a complex case that it would be a very bad idea not to have some sort of representation. We've already had problems getting his psychological needs covered - they actually stated that it had nothing to do with his injuries. I'm not sure how they could even think such a thing, but we are fighting back with all we have.

While we were on our way home, my stepfather was at lunch with my mom (they eat at Gus's every day for lunch) and suddenly John (stepdad) passed out. He stopped breathing, probably because he was sitting up, and one of the waitresses grabbed him under the arms and got him breathing again.

Once at the hospital a plethora of possibilities were relayed to us from possibly accidentally overdosing on one of his BP meds to a severe heart problem to sepsis. He has a fever, a mitral valve problem and was found to have cancer on one of his kidneys and his prostate. The good news is that the cancers are slow-growing, the heart problem is not as bad as thought, and they are not 100% sure of a blood infection. They need to do cultures again, but after a week, John has had enough and wants nothing more done.

They may send him home with IV antibiotics (2 hours a day) for the infection - whatever it is - and after that, we have no idea what he wants done. He is educably mentally retarded, but he DOES understand that doing nothing means that he may possibly die. He seems almost resigned to that. He's 84 years-old and hasn't been sick at all until now, so we are trying to obey his wishes and get a living will together for him - just in case.

The older girls and I took turns staying overnight with him for the first couple days because he was beside himself about being at the hospital. He's never stayed over and was very nervous. He made it through and is now OK alone at night. Prayers for him are appreciated!

Why is This Blog Still Here?

Here it sits, pathetic and unkempt, but visible and glaring at me. It sticks out like a sore thumb, a child who needs to be fed, a kid with a dirty diaper - it needs attention. I don't mean to ignore it, really. I just have too much to say. So much to say that by the time I sit down to type it all out, it's gone and packed up a bag and moved to a new room in my brain only to be awoken at a dark and late hour when I haven't the energy to release it. That is, when my brain is not on hiatus, which is more often than not these days.

So, what interestiing thing can I say? I can tell you about Marty and how his own brain is still on hiatus and how he's falling down all the time or in pain all the time and how he has two appointments this month in Philadelphia. Two. I dread the single trip every 2 months or so and this month it's two doctors in two places in Philadelphia. But, that's not so interesting, is it?

I can tell you about Katie and how weekends here are what she considers 'cat torture days'. Don't ask. I can tell you about the time she had her Barbie doll strapped down with duct tape, and when I looked into her room and asked what she was doing, she told me, "Something bad is happening to Barbie on her birthday." Future Jeffrey Dahmer? Dear, God, I hope not.

I can tell you about Ian and how he says funny and quirky little things all the time - compliments of his Autism Spectrum Disorder. Things like, "It appears my diaper needs to be changed" (and yet ... it still needs to be changed ...??), or the time I told him was going to 'be in BIG trouble, young man ... HUGE trouble!' - to which he replied, "Enormous?" I can tell you about how, this morning, when we were looking at the garden he caught sight of a bee on the clover and called it a 'straight jacket' - of course he did, he belongs to me. He also recently saw the movie A.I. (Artificial Intelligence) and then was caught telling Lara that he was going to 'take you to the woods and leave you there.'

But, that's all so boring and, while each individual thing could be a full story in its own, I don't have it in me. Maybe some day.

The 100 Book Challenge: Can You Do It?

On Parenting, the Washington Post Blog written by Stacey Garfinkle put out a challenge for this summer that I am totally up for: The 100 Book Challenge. From the blog:

Here are the rules: From June through September, everyone in the family reads books at their reading level (no repeats allowed). After 25 books, there's a small prize. For us, the boys get to choose a movie. After the second and third 25 books, more small prizes -- maybe a day trip to a lake to go fishing, or to the beach with shark's teeth in Calvert County, which they love. Adjust the rules for your family as needed for younger readers. For instance, my younger son is at the "Frog and Toad" reading level, so for him, two chapters of a book at that level counts as a full book on our chart.

Meeting the full challenge of 100 books gets the family a grand prize. In our case, it's a weekend trip the boys really want. In yours it could be anything. Join us in the challenge and meet it, and I'm working on getting a small prize from washingtonpost.com to send your way. I'll update you on exactly what that prize will be as soon as I've secured it.

We can so do this here. In fact, we could hit the 100 mark so easily that I'm bumping our personal challenge to 200. Yes, we are going to attempt to read 200 books this summer. I'll do the same as Stacey and post updates here as we go - see our ticker at the bottom of the page. What about you? Are you up for the challenge?

What Do You Do All Day?

Chances are if you're a mother and you've been on the 'net for a while you've seen the story about a man who comes home to his house in a shambles. His wife looks as though she's just gotten out of bed, the house is a wreck and the kids are running amok. He asks her what happened and she replies, "You know how you come home each day and ask me what I've done all day? Well, today I didn't do it."

Along those very lines, I've had my fill of the assumption that I don't do anything because I don't work outside my home; and even more tired of the fact that it comes from my own family. I think there comes a time in every mother's life when she feels underappreciated and taken for granted.

I don't know how this affects other mothers, but for me it sows the seeds of self-doubt and makes me question my own abilities as a mom. I find myself looking at the messy house that I try to keep up singlehandedly and wonder if maybe they're right, "What do I do all day?"

I decided that, instead of fighting it, I would document it. Not the lack of appreciation or complaining on anyone else's part, rather the actual amount of work I was doing around the house. I know that I'm tired beyond belief each night and the kids always have clean clothes and plenty of food, but it all just somehow seems to 'happen' so that when someone asks me the dreaded question, I honestly can't reply with an inteligible answer.

I've been sick this past week with a tooth infection and slept for two days during the day. I can't believe I slept during the day, it's something I never do, but I was so wiped out that I couldn't stay awake. Those two days must have had my family lost because once I came out of it and the antibiotics started working, it was apparent that nobody had done anything - and I distinctly remember making dinner for 9 both nights regardless of how I was feeling. I needed to get things back in order.

Well, today (Sunday) was the day to mark it all down and I surprised myself by all I can actually do in one day. Right now all the kids are ready for bed and I still need to shower before bed, but other than that - this is what my day consisted of:

Diaper Changes: 10 between 2 kids, one in training, the other not

Laundry: 8 loads washed, dried and folded

Meals: 4 for breakfast (several fended for themselves and one was away), 6 for lunch (chicken noodle soup and biscuits) and 9 for dinner (omelets - ham & cheddar and Feta & spinach - toast, blueberry muffins, turkey bacon and oj)

Dishes: breakfast, lunch and part of dinner - the dishwashers (Megan and Erin) are broken, I guess

Baths: Ian and Lara and shower set for Katie and Declan

Miscellaneous:

Watered plants

Swept basement and kitchen (3x for the kitchen)

Posted to Freecycle

Updated the family calendar

Emptied a box that was still packed

Recycling together and set out

Changed the paper towel roll

Put up hangers and added a tablecloth to the folding table in the laundry 'room'

Cleaned shower doors, cabinet doors and mirrors in the bathroom

Emptied bathroom garbage

Emptied kitchen garbage - took it all outside

Dressed Ian and Lara

Cleared a living room table and wiped it and the lamp down

Repaired lampshade

Cleaned front windows: picture window and both front doors

Straightened living room

Hung mirror in living room

Vacuumed living and computer rooms

Re-bagged playdough (made yesterday) and wiped table too many times to count

Worked on website

Set and cleared table for all meals

Took Declan's temp. 6x during the day and gave him meds 3x (he had a 103.5 fever -ick)

Fed & watered animals

Cleaned toilet

Set out kids' clothes for tomorrow

Made menu and shopping list for the week

Now I'm too tired to write much else, and I'm not trying to complain or have anyone pat me on the back or feel badly for me; I really did this for myself. I don't get this much done each and every day, but it's fairly close. I wanted to be sure that I wasn't slacking off and now I know for sure that I'm not. I might keep this up for a week or so, just to be completely sure - but I'm pretty well satisfied that I get plenty done in one day.

Home Is Where Your Family Is

We are officially moved and I have made a discovery about myself in the process. I don't like big houses.

I realize that as a society were are all sold on Bigger is Better and More, More, More!, but I have to say, after living in the very small and the very large I've come to the decision that I'd rather have a smaller home any day.

This move was our 15th in 20 years. I'm not going into details of why we've moved so often, but part of the problem is that we seem to keep renting homes that end up being sold - while we're in them.

This last time wasn't anything like that, in fact we knew we would be moving from the day we moved in. Our landlords are missionaries and while they are gone they rent their home out. This time they were to be gone for 4 years. They almost made it, but not quite. They are coming home earlier than expected and we needed to leave earlier as well.

We found a nice home several blocks away from the other so that the kids could attend the same schools and have some sense of stability and normalcy even though the walls around them changed completely.

A little back story on the difference between large homes and small homes would be helpful, I suppose. In 2002 we lived on the Southside of Bethlehem, where we had been for 5 years at that point. We were in a second and third floor apartment in a house that was sold. We needed to move on and were not able to find a suitably large enough home for 2 adults and 5 children (at that time), so we settled in a very temporary and teeny, tiny home. The house we found was so small that the children thought it was a garage when we pulled up in front of it. It was a mere 600 square feet with 2 very small bedrooms on the second floor and 2 rooms and a single bathroom on the first. It was the sort of home one might rent for a week at the beach.

One of the bed rooms was filled with our belongings and the other was set up for the two older girls. The rest of us, 3 kids and Marty and I, slept on the floor in the - er, front room? I'm not sure what to call it as it was so small - but that's where we were for 6 months. Eventually the older girls made their way downstairs to sleep as well, so it was one big (um, small) cozy living room. We didn't even have room for a Christmas tree, so I made one out of paper and hung it on the wall. We put our presents 'under' it on my grandmother's hope chest and hung lights and a star on it, too.

The kitchen was a 2-burner electric cook top and microwave with no table to sit at so we sat at the coffee table in the living room. We didn't have a phone or cable, and the computer was still out of commission so we spent a lot of time together, reading or walking to a local used video store and picking up VHS and DVD movies for $5. Life was not so bad.

The house after that was a slightly larger 900 square feet with 2 much larger bedrooms on the second floor and 1 1/2 bathrooms with a definitive living room, dining room and kitchen - and the world's biggest back yard. We lived there for 2 1/2 years, until that home was - yes, you guessed it - sold.

We had very fortunately been told of the house on Main street by a friend of ours and had secured the home far ahead of moving time, the only problem was that moving time turned out to be 10 days earlier than we thought it would be. Our home before the last home turned out to be a 10 day stay at a local campground. Yes, we spent 10 days camping with 6 children. It was actually quite fun and something the children have never forgotten - in a very good way.

The house on Main street was positively cavernous compared to all of the houses we had lived in prior. The measured living space (which is most often 1st and 2nd floors) came in at 1400 square feet. That was not counting the full, and finished, basement and attic - which put the house closer to 3000 square feet. The first few days we were there, I actually 'lost' Marty when he went one way and I went another.

It was wonderful - at first. The older girls no longer had to share a room, each finding their own on the third floor, and the other kids no longer had to share a room with one another - and I no longer had to sleep on the floor in their room with the youngest child next to me.

A place for everyone and everyone in their place.

It took a little getting used to. Before we moved I could make one call to the kids to get them all to the dinner table. After we moved I was traipsing up and down stairs to 'find' everyone and then calling out several times to round them up.

Before we moved I would read several books a night to the littles as we were all in the same room and they could fall asleep at their leisure or stay up for every story I read. After we moved they were in separate rooms and there would be cries of "I'm not comfortable" and "Why can't we read in my room tonight?" etc. The older girls were no longer within earshot and actually missed hearing the stories. In fact, I rarely saw my older girls. They came and went as they pleased and if something bothered them there was no more working it out so that they could live in the same room with one another, no - they turned to running off to their room and slamming the door instead.

Don't get me wrong: teenage girls do need privacy, but not at the expense of other relationships. We had all spread out and moved apart. It was very hard for me to deal with. At one time we had all gotten together at night and read from the Little House on the Prairie series and the kids loved that time together. What I was seeing in all that space was a whole lot of separation and strife.

We have backed down to roughly 1100 square feet now (not including the full basement) and already we are becoming closer knit once more. The older girls' room (yes, they are back together in one room!) is on the second floor with everyone else. I can hear everyone from almost anywhere in the house (a mixed blessing) and 'finding' everyone is not so hard anymore.

I realize that we are a big, loud and crazy family - but that's just the point - we're FAMILY and family is meant to be together.

Stuff Around Here

I haven't posted here since December, 2008. That's sad. It's also a testimony of how busy I am. If I were simply a blogger, and not a food blogger, I may post here more often, but as it is, food blogging takes so much time that I don't have much left in me at the end of the day. I'll try to catch up on all the goings-on here on the home front as well as I can.

The Kids:

Cassidy is doing OK at college - not spectacularly, but OK. She's been having anxiety issues and has finally turned to therapy and medication to try and get it under control. She will be finished with her second year by May and then possibly will go back to school for Summer classes to try and help catch her up on a few things she was lacking in.

Megan is busy with school, the Illick's Mill Project and theater. She's playing the kangaroo in the school's production of Peter Pan. She was originally supposed to be the crocodile, but somehow was bumped and 'demoted', as she calls it. She is trying to decide on a college and wants to go for photography and cinematography. She takes beautiful photos, but really loves theater and wants to be involved with acting in some way, so cinematography seems to be the thing for her. She is always on the honor roll, with 4.0 and above GPA's consistently.

Erin is still playing violin with the orchestra at school, singing with the girls' choir and doing color guard (front banner) with the band. She's doing well in school and is so social that I hardly see her some days!

Declan was playing drums at school, but after several lessons decided it wasn't for him, so he quit. I think my ears are thanking him. He's doing very well in school - straight A's, but his behavior is sporadic. He fluctuates from being very well-behaved to getting himself into situations that he shouldn't be in - like overflowing a toilet at school that happened to overflow for an entire weekend.

Katie is so sweet, but so difficult some days. She's doing well in school, but still struggles with sensory issues like wearing socks and long sleeves and jeans. Everything needs to be 'just so' for her or she can't get out the door. She's doing ballet at school on Tuesdays and is reading to therapy dogs every week, as well. She loves school most days, but on the days that 'nothing feels right' we all have a hard time.

Ian was recently diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I knew that he had it, but needed a firm diagnosis to help him get treatments and therapy. We started him on Omega-3's to help with behavior, but so far there hasn't been much improvement. He is a bright and shiny little boy, but he can turn angry very quickly and wants to hurt anyone near him. He should start school next year, but along with his Asperger's comes the fact that he is still not potty trained - one of the things he will need therapy for. He is a huge handful and some days makes it hard for all of us to breathe. He is the elephant in the room. Katie and Declan also need to be evaluated as they also most likely have an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Lara is as sweet and normal as ever - a bit odd after those last 3 - but very, very welcome. Like Ian and Katie, however, she has had tooth problems and had surgery this past Monday (full-blown anesthesia etc.) to work on her 4 top front teeth. She looks as cute as before, but now her teeth are done and we can hopefully keep the rest from any problems!

The Adults:

Marty is ranging from OK to not-so-good, it depends on the day. He had a court day for the scar on his face and did get a settlement, however that is not a lump-sum type of thing and payments will only start once he is back to work, which may be a very long time from now. The rest of the case is still waiting on the back burner as he is still not at 'maximum medical'.

His wrist is hurting very badly as of late and he needs an X-Ray to see what's going on there. His hip is permanently broken and causes him daily pain; his thoracic back still has a herniated disc that causes him daily pain, and his leg and foot have permanent nerve damage to them.

On top of that, his memory problems have gotten worse. He knew a bit ago that we would have to move by May 1st and I was discussing it one day and he looked at me like I had never said it before and then insisted that I didn't tell him that we had to move. He was depressed for days about it and I was so disturbed that his mind had somehow forgotten such a big life-change. He also can't recall much of anything from day-to-day. He will be headed to Penn University to have his poor noggin looked at so we can figure out what is causing the memory loss. It could be anything as simple as medication to depression to brain damage, we just don't know.

As for me - I'm still writing about food for myself and at Family.com. Busy with trying to take care of everyone here and all of their needs AND trying to figure out exactly where we will move come May. So far I have nothing simply because renting is that way - month-to-month and it's too hard to find something more than a month in advance. So, onward and upward we go!

Christmas, 2008

Marty's father did stained glass work and was very good at it. This is one of my favorite pieces. He made this for one of our very first Christmases.

This year was not especially noteworthy unless you count the frenzied way it all came about. Marty and I didn't get even the remotest chance to do any Christmas shopping until the Sunday before the big day. I had a CD set aside for Megan since the beginning of October, but that was the extent of it for all seven kids.

With the way we're both paid, money comes, but not very often, so we're limited in when we're able to get things done. Our tree was finally up on Saturday and the next day we got more than half of the gifts bought. We finished up on Monday and I had Tuesday to get nearly all of the food preparations done.

Prior to all of that for the month of December was a visit to Philly to see Marty's doctors, two trips to the dentist, two trips to the pediatrician, two holiday concerts for three kids, two showings of Hamlet - in which Megan was playing, a visit by my brother Mike and his girlfriend, eighteen blog posts, one college student home for a break (and her visit to donate blood), 50 loads of laundry, a gazillion different meals, several snotty noses and a partridge in a pear tree ... or something like that.

Tiny creche dwellers. A gift from one of the kids on year. I believe they got it at the dollar store. No matter, I like it rather well.

Add the normal day-to-day stuff in there and it's no wonder I wasn't really feeling the spirit like usual. When I turned on the usual Christmas music radio station today and realized they had gone back to the same-old-same-old, I nearly cried. I simply turned to Cassidy, who was in the car with me, and said, "It's already over - isn't it?"

I did have a few bright spots:

One of my best and oldest friends, Tommy, sent the most magical box of fun for the kids. He made up a box filled with 'spells and potions' that he decorated and filled himself. He put it all in a rather large box that was addressed to Harry Potter at Hogwart's but looked as if it were intercepted and sent instead to my kids. They LOVE that box!

Marty's Aunt Joan sent along yet another box of lovely Harry & David Royal Riviera pears and a beautiful box full of See's chocolates. My Kathleen Frances adores pears and we have to fight her for these.

I also got a box filled with various little goodies from Jerry at Cooking by the Seat of My Pants. He was such a dear to include us in his holiday gifting and the kids are crazy about candy canes, which he made sure there was enough of.

Reading of our lack of Christmas joy here this year, I had an anonymous offer of a tree. I have no clue who it was, but whoever you are, just the thought was so special and I'm very grateful you were thinking of us.

Well, thankfully it all comes but once a year and I'll have the next 12 months to redeem myself by getting it all done, a little at a time, before the next Big Day hits. Of course, that all depends on nothing going awry and for anyone who knows us, that'll be a stretch.

Teeny little Moravian stars and beeswax candles on a very small tree. My mother-in-law got it for me last Christmas after I admired the one she has.

At any rate, I hope everyone else had a wonderful holiday!